There's no shame in walking yourself in a minefield to find forgiveness. That resentment feeling clouds your path to glory and satisfaction. So you find yourself in search of me. I'm your key to unlocking the doors of heaven, the place of redemption. Or so you thought.
My past has always been a strange set of repeated sequences, like a book being rewritten over and over again. The first time I went through a breakup, I was torn, but most of it, I was scared. I was afraid of the unknown future. Will I recover from this? How long will the pain last? Will I love again? These questions are sanely typical to think when you go through such significant pain. It's okay to cry. You can punch the wall a few times. I did it with the demise of my first relationship. And if you read my past blogs, then you know the rest.
What you may not know is that she came back to my life because she was looking for me.
It all started when a mutual acquaintance of ours messaged me. She asked if I wouldn't mind communicating with her. I was mind baffled at the fact this was happening. Still, I didn't see any harm in it as my curiosity began to bloom. I accepted. Then I was instructed to check my email. And there it was, a message from the last person I expected ever to hear from again. A light nostalgic touch it was, having her name on my screen. But I had to keep it serious. I wondered why she wanted to communicate with me after all these years.
She wanted to apologize to me. To ask for forgiveness for all the crap she made me endure in the last moments of our relationship. A strange feeling inside her made her think about me, making her reflect on her actions all those years ago. She explained that Karma had finally caught up to her and unleashed a gruesome pain in her life. She believed this pain would vanish unless she built the courage to ask for forgiveness and hope that I would accept it. Once I read everything she laid down in that email. I knew exactly what this was.
Like any person in the world who makes aware of their mistakes, they seek redemption. She wanted to show herself that she could do what was right and bring back all the good feelings in her life. Pay Karma a high valued good deed card: "Suck up your pride and forgive your past."
I was astonished. And well, I gasped when I read those words on my phone. An apology that was overdue many years ago. I finally was at the receiving end of it. That should have been the moment I could have been like, "Yes, Finally. I won. She finally admitted she was in the wrong. Sweet, sweet satisfaction." Strangely though, I didn't acquire any sort of powerful charm. No profound energy to boost my ego, nothing. As if I didn't need it any longer.
And that's because it was true. I wasn't looking for an explanation anymore.
The truth is that I've moved on during my path of rediscovery. An answer with no answer is a response I learned the hard way. It takes resilience to overcome a situation like the one she put me through. But it takes great maturity to take that same pain away from someone who harmed you that bad.
So I gave it to her. I accepted her apology. I wanted to take away the burden, the weight off her shoulders, not because I'm a good person, but because it was right. There was no resentment in my heart. I wanted to give her the key to her heaven and put this thing past us forever.
After the hard part, we began to converse about our latest strives. The conversation had been going well until she said one thing that I immediately understood the purpose of this encounter. She wanted to keep this a secret from her beloved. They were in the middle of troubled times. With a kid involved, it can never be easy. But, she just at least wanted to know that my life was great. She wished me nothing but the best, to not rush into finding anyone. Let someone find me because I deserve the best.
After that, we spoke little, then not so much again. Regardless of the outcome of this encounter that left us as strangers again, I hope she is doing well now.
I didn't care that she sought me only to make herself feel better. I moved past the immaturity aspect of my life with her. And that's the thing about Exs and It's Friends; it takes one person to open that indistinguishable door, and with that person comes everything with it. So come dwelling are the pure moments, the laughs, the tears, the lustful nights. Every corner of that memorable room you shared with that individual comes to your head. These intangible thoughts overwhelm you, but you feel comfortable because you recognize it as a once lovely parallel place you have been before. So you let it flow down the stream and into the current where it washes away into the universal ocean, free and floating at peace, forever.
I thought this was the only time I would experience something like this. Then came my next ex-girlfriend. And this ending was quite different.
To be continued...
Written By: George M.
Anonymous 2: We have been trying to discredit him with vandalized images of him on his social media posts. It seems like he won't give up. I think it's time.
Anonymous 1: Finally, I'm tired of being behind this computer screen.
Anonymous 2: Well, you better get used to it. Because once we get to him, you'll have another job to do...