S2 #3: I Love(d) You...

It was never about the thrill. The things that factor it meant very little to me. Those late-night drinking gatherings. The women eyeballing me, designating me as their Casanova or their "golden ticket to freedom land." The excess of attention I received around. All the gossip scandals that would follow me; friendly lawyers hooking up with the mayor. Ex queens cheating on their engagement. Or family members consumed by greed, concealing their lottery winnings from blood relatives. I didn't care for it all. None of it matters to me—nothing, except you. You are the only one that made sense to me—the reason why I always came back.

I will never forget the first time I met you. Oh, how beautiful your looks beamed brightly into my eyes. Your color was just right. Your breath breezed all over my body, just the right temperature. The curves on every corner made you look very voluptuous. Though you already know that appearances are just one thing to me. You showed me more than that. In fact, you gave me everything I felt laborious to obtain at an instant; family, love, sincerity, nobility, and everything wonderful. It's as if you cast a spell and rehabilitated me. You perpetuate me to continue effortlessly to better myself. Everyone close to me saw the change in my heart. Just that their true sentiments about it were pretty conspicuous.

My family over here never understood you at first. They judged me for falling for you. Some tried to manipulate me into disliking you by down-talking you or mimicking your name. Called you slow, that you would never progress like their preferred. But I, I felt something the moment I walked in on your life. The energy was pure and overwhelming in a good way. That dynamic power gave me a reason not to listen to them. I channeled them out and heed your calling every time summer came around.

There's another reason why I always come back to Ecuador, and it's because the truth is, I never felt at home until I was with you. I felt complete just being near you. If I could do a 'before and after comparison, you would see an abundance of change you influenced on me. Maybe that's why a lot of them started to resent me. They envied the joy you brought to me. My happiness was at its highest, and they wanted to take that away from me. But they failed. They failed.

My favorite memory with you was 2018 because it was the most transcendent experience. You taught me to love. Healed my spirit from a past I dreaded for a long time. You gave me the necessary tools to change my life. We stayed together for a month. From dusk till dawn, just sat there, admiring your goddess looks. I'll never forget those nights we would sing Mana towards each other. Every guitar-solo moment we would just jump like a bunch of rockstars. Oh, and let's not forget the occasions where you would get mad when I would go to La Troncal. I would always return to a damp home. And cheering you up always felt like a mission. Something I'd love partaking in because to watch you shine up again because of me is like a treasure. Such lovely times...

What is it with memories that make one feel so vulnerable? To glare at an empty wall standing still, but really the action is happening inside your head. It is a roll film with events you have past lived, playing thru a vintage film projector on the blank wall. The motions, the colors, and emotions; move, look, and feel so real. A captivating moment, trapped within our minds, for us to keep replaying over and over whenever we choose to. It spawns you back to that particular moment. Wishing to relive that time twice, or a chance to change something to produce a better outcome. Or perhaps we use memories to cherish what it was and accept the truth, the truth that it can never be the same again.

EVERYTHING CHANGED. You've changed. I know this because when I came back, I felt a different vibe from you. Your glances at me felt sharp. You were silent the majority of the time I was there. You even neglected me when I sought for you. It was then, and there I knew that you no longer felt the same for me anymore. The spark between us has burned off. All the sweets you once gave me turned sour, along with the gifts you gave me got lost. And everyone you introduced to me began to disappear from my life. Just like that, the memories we created are all I have left from you. The smiles, laughs, and tears all bundled up in my head. I hold on tight to them because it will guide me into becoming the man I was meant to be in this world, even if it's without you. YOU CHANGED ME. AND I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU. I mean, I got your name tattooed on my heart.

Written By: George M.

*Grandma's garden seems to be intact. I might be able to get answers there.*

Recent Posts

See All