#2 Why Did It Take so Long.

As mentioned before, I don't know the accurate answer as to why it took me this long to start this blog. I mean, I've thought about it for a long time...why start now?

There are a few things that come to mind when I think about this question.

  1. Fear

  2. Comfortability

  3. No support

Fear was always in my mind. I was scared, I admit it. I was afraid to put my ideas and personal experience out there in the open. This unpleasant emotion controlled majority of the choices I made in my life. And the worst part is I let it happen, even when I realized it before that it was an issue.

Comfortability is another culprit. You know that saying, 'Life is good'? Well I was living in that bubble for a long time. I would go to school, hang out with friends, get home, do homework, clean the house a bit, and played video games. Simple routine, easy schedule to follow, so yes life was good. I didn't have a lot to worry about, as long as my daily pattern wasn't interfered, everything was 'perfect'.

No support also played a big role. We humans can never do things alone. We all need someone to help in any means (physically, mentally, emotionally). A support system can come from anywhere. Family, friends, old mentors, boyfriends, girlfriends, even a stranger can give you support. I didn't have much support when it came to my ideas. And before you consider this as an excuse (which it is) just hear me out...

All these three bullet points have one goal; to stop you from growing in this world. I was stagnant in this particular 'bubble' where I let myself believe this is as great as life can get. Sitting in your room chatting with your peers about who's the best FIFA player, who is currently dating who, which celebrity tarnished their career this time, literally anything! Anything but intellectual, inspiring, or self-growth kind of conversations. These locker talks are fun, but they aren't meant to endure every night of your life. I tried to make it last because I was in a convenient spot and I didn't want it to change. And that's where fear can be implemented here. I was so scared that if I changed my life in some way, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. To finally burst that 'bubble', not knowing if the atmosphere outside would poison and kill me, sounded very terrifying. Fear took over. Thus, I was trying to avoid one of life's major laws: the consistency of change. My peers on the video game chats influenced me in some sort that even now, I can't believe I let it happen. Any idea that I would present would be harshly denigrated. Ignored. And eventually forgotten. I took at it as a sign that, "maybe it wasn't a good idea," or " I could maybe bring up something that matches their interests." But that was really it. I couldn't match their interest because I was different within that group. I didn't match their views. Only thing in common we had was our ambition to win a bunch of multiplayer matches, talk shit, and call it a night.

As time passed by, when I finally bursted out of that 'bubble'. I come to the realization that those three bullet points (FEAR, COMFORTABILITY, NO SUPPORT) are not reasons, but full on excuses. I say excuses because regardless how these factors affected me, I was the one who let it happen. I let fear take over. I chose to stay comfortable with how my life was. I chose to stay in contact with my video game peers despite them not showing any ounce of support. It's my fault. And I guess that was the first step for me to finally pop out of that fake 'bubble' world I was living in. To grasp the fact I was responsible and had to change big time. It meant that I had to no longer be afraid of what was out there, to find possibilities of encountering new people to challenge me and get me out of my comfort zone. To establish new amities where support would be shown. This blog was possible because I finally escaped that 'bubble' that held me trap for so long. I woke up. I finally felt some sort of power, a vigorous feeling coursing through my veins. And I have quarantine to thank for that because surprisingly, it actually did me good. But I'll save that for the next blog post...

Again, I just want you guys to know that these posts may evolve better as I'm starting to get the hang of it. It's a new adjustment in my life but I love it and I will keep doing it. This is just my second post and I'm already excited for the next one; which will be about my time in quarantine. It's going to be an interesting one.

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